Perfection.
I've always wanted to be perfect. That is a terrible confession I now publicly make. I don't want to make mistakes, especially in things that I can't bear a heartbreak about. That is why I've been running most of my life. Running from risks. Running from love.
Religion came along as a perfect guise. You see, I thought there is a way to avoid risks; a road to perfection without having to risk getting hurt along the way. I thought I can be safe forever.
Am I doubting my Shield and my Sun? Far from it.
But last night, I witnessed something significant. A picture of perfection in my mind crumbled. Admittedly, at first, I wanted to curse anything that led me to believe that perfection is possible. I wanted to curl up and hide deeper into my shell thinking that I'm darned for life for holding out for something that is not going to happen.
I didn't even want to look closer. I thought it might damage me for good if I come to see the ruins of what once was my idea of perfection. But I was wrong. I saw something even more beautiful.
I saw grace.
In the midst of imperfection, I saw the beauty of grace.
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tidbit Update
Black Eye
My eye is finally getting back to normal. I had a black swollen right eye for a few days. Fortunately, the bruise lined my eyelid elegantly much like a dark greenish-blue eye shadow.
No, I am not a battered wife. Er, I am not a wife altogether. I am more of a battered aunt. Migoy and I were on a tickle fest on my mom’s bed last weekend when in his glee, he accidentally gave me a terrible headbutt. Migoy sobbed for a few seconds, sobered, and resumed to his harot while I was still seeing stars and chirping birds flying around me.
Long weekend
I had an extra long weekend. Aside from the Monday holiday (*Salutes to Ninoy*), I also took a leave last Tuesday. I’m trying to spend as much quality time with my parents before they leave for the States. We had a post-birthday dinner at Teriyaki Boy Sunday night, went pseudo-shopping with sister last Monday, and strolled in the mall with parents (swapping ice cream cones with mom) Tuesday night. Reminded me of this article I wrote.
Moving
It just dawned to me this morning as I woke up— all the changes that would happen in a couple of weeks. Mom and Dad are leaving, possibly for good. I, not wanting to leave the Philippines, swallowed hard in realization of really having to live on my own. It’s not that I haven’t been living on my own for the past eight years, but somehow it's different when they are not a bus ride away anymore. Despite my 5-or-more-days-a-week stay in Manila, home has always been my parents' home. When things don't work out for me, they are ususally just there. When I suddenly decide to resign from work (which I have a reputation of doing), I go home. When I'm broke I go home. When I'm lonely, I go home. But would home still be home in a couple of weeks?
I am also moving to another apartment. After living with my friends (and my spiritual mom) for the past 3 years, in my comfort zone, Quezon City, I now brave to move for many reasons. I have been praying about this and I realized it is really time to break camp. The cloud is moving. I need to grow out of my comfort zones. Well that, plus the practical stuff of proximity to work.
*gulp* some growing up I need to do.
My eye is finally getting back to normal. I had a black swollen right eye for a few days. Fortunately, the bruise lined my eyelid elegantly much like a dark greenish-blue eye shadow.
No, I am not a battered wife. Er, I am not a wife altogether. I am more of a battered aunt. Migoy and I were on a tickle fest on my mom’s bed last weekend when in his glee, he accidentally gave me a terrible headbutt. Migoy sobbed for a few seconds, sobered, and resumed to his harot while I was still seeing stars and chirping birds flying around me.
Long weekend
I had an extra long weekend. Aside from the Monday holiday (*Salutes to Ninoy*), I also took a leave last Tuesday. I’m trying to spend as much quality time with my parents before they leave for the States. We had a post-birthday dinner at Teriyaki Boy Sunday night, went pseudo-shopping with sister last Monday, and strolled in the mall with parents (swapping ice cream cones with mom) Tuesday night. Reminded me of this article I wrote.
Moving
It just dawned to me this morning as I woke up— all the changes that would happen in a couple of weeks. Mom and Dad are leaving, possibly for good. I, not wanting to leave the Philippines, swallowed hard in realization of really having to live on my own. It’s not that I haven’t been living on my own for the past eight years, but somehow it's different when they are not a bus ride away anymore. Despite my 5-or-more-days-a-week stay in Manila, home has always been my parents' home. When things don't work out for me, they are ususally just there. When I suddenly decide to resign from work (which I have a reputation of doing), I go home. When I'm broke I go home. When I'm lonely, I go home. But would home still be home in a couple of weeks?
I am also moving to another apartment. After living with my friends (and my spiritual mom) for the past 3 years, in my comfort zone, Quezon City, I now brave to move for many reasons. I have been praying about this and I realized it is really time to break camp. The cloud is moving. I need to grow out of my comfort zones. Well that, plus the practical stuff of proximity to work.
*gulp* some growing up I need to do.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
We Made it Through the Rain
The rains have been merciless the past few days. Since last Monday, people were getting anxious about the non-stop pour. Joon said there was a twister that blew away part of their garage. Some officemates spent the night over at the office due to flooded roads.
Ako, I got home safe. Our roof wasn't blown away. No hassle on my part, except that we had to stay a bit longer at CBTL yesterday to let the heavy rain pass.
I heard there was a nationwide prayer for rain. I didn't know, haha. The only TV shows I get to watch are Boy and Kris and Game knb?. Sabi ni Roger, ang systems dude namin, "Bakit kelangan pa umulan? Bat di nalang hayaang mamatay sa uhaw ang mga tao?"
I saw on the news on-line that the non-stop rain still did not quite meet the mark for angat dam. Kapos pa ng mga 20 meters.
Honestly, I got the hang of the rain. Each day, my attire evolves to keep mecomfortable, dry and warm-- what sociology might call adaptation or something. After a couple of rainy days, I finally learned to dress for the rain, so long looong summer days. At least I got to wear sneakers without getting frowns from our security guard. I got to wear some cool clothes and jackets. bad trip lang, I had the courage to wear my pink raincoat today, over my green sweatshirt, over my brown shirt-- I was all ready with my armor-- only to realize that the rain gods were finally appeased. Darn, my raincoat didn't even taste a single drop of rain.
Ako, I got home safe. Our roof wasn't blown away. No hassle on my part, except that we had to stay a bit longer at CBTL yesterday to let the heavy rain pass.
I heard there was a nationwide prayer for rain. I didn't know, haha. The only TV shows I get to watch are Boy and Kris and Game knb?. Sabi ni Roger, ang systems dude namin, "Bakit kelangan pa umulan? Bat di nalang hayaang mamatay sa uhaw ang mga tao?"
I saw on the news on-line that the non-stop rain still did not quite meet the mark for angat dam. Kapos pa ng mga 20 meters.
Honestly, I got the hang of the rain. Each day, my attire evolves to keep mecomfortable, dry and warm-- what sociology might call adaptation or something. After a couple of rainy days, I finally learned to dress for the rain, so long looong summer days. At least I got to wear sneakers without getting frowns from our security guard. I got to wear some cool clothes and jackets. bad trip lang, I had the courage to wear my pink raincoat today, over my green sweatshirt, over my brown shirt-- I was all ready with my armor-- only to realize that the rain gods were finally appeased. Darn, my raincoat didn't even taste a single drop of rain.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
last blog for the week
I can't believe Starbucks is winning over CBTL. On my own blog, on my own poll! argh haha
Chuckie says I can't make people think like me. yeah. after the not-so-subtle attempts of brainwashing that i do on this blog, people still can't see the truth that CBTL is the best. hahharhar.
Btw, August na *wink wink*
Following after Chachie's subtle pre-birthday hints here's my list as well haha:
I desperately need:
*an ipod protector for my 1st gen nano
*black patent leather open-toed wedges/red patent leather pumps
*gym membership/4 lbs. dumbells
that's all i can think of now,darn.
Click this instead
It's my last blog for the week. I'm on leave tomorrow to do stuff with my 'rents... I'd prolly wont get to blog this weekend, so there. Ü
Chuckie says I can't make people think like me. yeah. after the not-so-subtle attempts of brainwashing that i do on this blog, people still can't see the truth that CBTL is the best. hahharhar.
Btw, August na *wink wink*
Following after Chachie's subtle pre-birthday hints here's my list as well haha:
I desperately need:
*an ipod protector for my 1st gen nano
*black patent leather open-toed wedges/red patent leather pumps
*gym membership/4 lbs. dumbells
that's all i can think of now,darn.
Click this instead
It's my last blog for the week. I'm on leave tomorrow to do stuff with my 'rents... I'd prolly wont get to blog this weekend, so there. Ü
Friday, July 27, 2007
A Few Words Away
I'm a couple of hundred of words away from meeting my weekly quota.
I got home around midnight last night and before heading for bed, I just had to sympathize with my beloved roommate who has been tormented by a seemingly-wicked boss for the past weeks. While she was ranting about her current confrontation with the boss from hell (not my words, haha), I felt no less than blessed for my manager.
We just met with our manager yesterday afternoon, Tata and I. I can't help but find cute her very polite ways of asking why our productivity took a dive the past couple of weeks. She slightly hints, "Is it because suddenly, you were the only writers left in the team?" I would like to say yes, because we were really tulala after that incident. But then, I am not a quitter and I shall not use any excuse, valid or not, to justify lack of excellence in my work.
That is why I'm aiming for our new quota-- 7-9,000 words a week. I'm only a couple of hundred of words away :)
Bad news
Just a few paragraphs away, I was stomped by what some may call a "writer's block." For me, I simply call it hunger and a short attention span.
My eating habits have been really weird lately... matching my weird body clock. You see, I usually get home late, causing me to wake-up late, and after all the preparations and devotions, it's a bit too late for breakfast and quite early for lunch. So I have brunch. Since I only had my fave tuna cheesemelt from 7-11, i was on empty tank by 4pm. I was craving for sometihng warm to match the weather. Coffee. Coffee and Siomai. Haha fine, it's weird.
Looking out the window and seeing the gloomy weather, I suddenly felt like having Chowking's hot chocolate. Hot chocolate and siomai. huwaw. Have you tried Chowking's hot choco? Wow, it's the best. It's like champorado without the rice haha.
So I googled (by reflex, sorry, can't help it)if chowking serves hot choco in the afternoon. I chanced upon this cool blog that broke the bad news. Chowking doesn't serve hot choco no longer, waaaahh.It started raining anyway so I can't really go any further than mini-stop.
So I ended up with 3-in-1 coffee and pizza kariman. *burp* Refueled and good as new.
Ok, 200 words, here I come.
##################
Plug: Watch Bitoy's funniest videos this sat: Pastor Zha would be there ;)
I got home around midnight last night and before heading for bed, I just had to sympathize with my beloved roommate who has been tormented by a seemingly-wicked boss for the past weeks. While she was ranting about her current confrontation with the boss from hell (not my words, haha), I felt no less than blessed for my manager.
We just met with our manager yesterday afternoon, Tata and I. I can't help but find cute her very polite ways of asking why our productivity took a dive the past couple of weeks. She slightly hints, "Is it because suddenly, you were the only writers left in the team?" I would like to say yes, because we were really tulala after that incident. But then, I am not a quitter and I shall not use any excuse, valid or not, to justify lack of excellence in my work.
That is why I'm aiming for our new quota-- 7-9,000 words a week. I'm only a couple of hundred of words away :)
Bad news
Just a few paragraphs away, I was stomped by what some may call a "writer's block." For me, I simply call it hunger and a short attention span.
My eating habits have been really weird lately... matching my weird body clock. You see, I usually get home late, causing me to wake-up late, and after all the preparations and devotions, it's a bit too late for breakfast and quite early for lunch. So I have brunch. Since I only had my fave tuna cheesemelt from 7-11, i was on empty tank by 4pm. I was craving for sometihng warm to match the weather. Coffee. Coffee and Siomai. Haha fine, it's weird.
Looking out the window and seeing the gloomy weather, I suddenly felt like having Chowking's hot chocolate. Hot chocolate and siomai. huwaw. Have you tried Chowking's hot choco? Wow, it's the best. It's like champorado without the rice haha.
So I googled (by reflex, sorry, can't help it)if chowking serves hot choco in the afternoon. I chanced upon this cool blog that broke the bad news. Chowking doesn't serve hot choco no longer, waaaahh.It started raining anyway so I can't really go any further than mini-stop.
So I ended up with 3-in-1 coffee and pizza kariman. *burp* Refueled and good as new.
Ok, 200 words, here I come.
##################
Plug: Watch Bitoy's funniest videos this sat: Pastor Zha would be there ;)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Fragments of thoughts
Google
Google has been my bestfriend for the past four months.Although initially they (the bosses and engineers) came up with ideas of acquiring books, contacting consuls, visiting libraries and other research means, we still ended up with the good ol' Google. As in we google everything we need to write about and voila! instant article.
I got so google-attached that even non-work-related stuff I google almost by reflex. A couple of weeks ago, my friends and I ended up talking about butterflies and moths. Dan asked, "are all caterpillars green?" With no answer stashed in the recesses of my brain (why didn't my students ask that question when we had an entire semester talking about butterflies?), I told him that i'd get back to him. And so I googled it. And i did get back to him to tell him that no, not all caterpillars are green.
My sister once texted and asked about her hubby's doctor's diagnosis; i googled it. An officemates once asked about the usage of a phrase; i googled it. I remembered an old friend this afternoon; i googled him (stalker?!). Goodness, it is true. Almost all information is a tinker a way nowadays.
Zafra
Stumbled upon Jessica Zafra's blog. She's still funny as usual but it seems like the magic of Zafra left me. Is it because bitterness, sarcasm and acrid statements do not do it for me any longer? Or is it because she's been over-exposed and commercialized that she became less the hero that i once thought she was? And reading her stuff that didn't sell(these are blog entries, not published Twisted essays), I realized tha she is a geek capable of writing a lot of boring stuff, too. I have nothing against you jessica. just random thoughts.
Bus
I've always loved bus rides.I have had my share of traumatic bus rides,mind you. But nothing really stopped me from choosing busses over, say, the MRT.
I hate the MRT. I hate the fact na mabilis nga ang biyahe mo, naka-splat ka naman sa bintana, or worse, sa kilikili ng katabi mo. Besides, I don't get bored easily despite the traffic in Crossing ibabaw. You can leave me with nothing but my thoughts and a comfortable seat for a while and you won't hear me complain or see me become restless.
Lately may favorite bus ako. Yung purple na bagong bus. Ang luwag ng seats and may LCD screens sa harap at sa gitna. Kaya lang di ko na sha masyado fave ngayon. Kasi naman, aside from the fact na ang weird ng collection nila ng dvd's, lahat ng tao gustong sumakay dun. Siksikan na tuloy.
Bottom line
I have none. Just... fragments of thoughts lingering in my head.
Google has been my bestfriend for the past four months.Although initially they (the bosses and engineers) came up with ideas of acquiring books, contacting consuls, visiting libraries and other research means, we still ended up with the good ol' Google. As in we google everything we need to write about and voila! instant article.
I got so google-attached that even non-work-related stuff I google almost by reflex. A couple of weeks ago, my friends and I ended up talking about butterflies and moths. Dan asked, "are all caterpillars green?" With no answer stashed in the recesses of my brain (why didn't my students ask that question when we had an entire semester talking about butterflies?), I told him that i'd get back to him. And so I googled it. And i did get back to him to tell him that no, not all caterpillars are green.
My sister once texted and asked about her hubby's doctor's diagnosis; i googled it. An officemates once asked about the usage of a phrase; i googled it. I remembered an old friend this afternoon; i googled him (stalker?!). Goodness, it is true. Almost all information is a tinker a way nowadays.
Zafra
Stumbled upon Jessica Zafra's blog. She's still funny as usual but it seems like the magic of Zafra left me. Is it because bitterness, sarcasm and acrid statements do not do it for me any longer? Or is it because she's been over-exposed and commercialized that she became less the hero that i once thought she was? And reading her stuff that didn't sell(these are blog entries, not published Twisted essays), I realized tha she is a geek capable of writing a lot of boring stuff, too. I have nothing against you jessica. just random thoughts.
Bus
I've always loved bus rides.I have had my share of traumatic bus rides,mind you. But nothing really stopped me from choosing busses over, say, the MRT.
I hate the MRT. I hate the fact na mabilis nga ang biyahe mo, naka-splat ka naman sa bintana, or worse, sa kilikili ng katabi mo. Besides, I don't get bored easily despite the traffic in Crossing ibabaw. You can leave me with nothing but my thoughts and a comfortable seat for a while and you won't hear me complain or see me become restless.
Lately may favorite bus ako. Yung purple na bagong bus. Ang luwag ng seats and may LCD screens sa harap at sa gitna. Kaya lang di ko na sha masyado fave ngayon. Kasi naman, aside from the fact na ang weird ng collection nila ng dvd's, lahat ng tao gustong sumakay dun. Siksikan na tuloy.
Bottom line
I have none. Just... fragments of thoughts lingering in my head.
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