Maskara

Panayan da kang datang. Ika na akit mu kung ninu aku talaga. Balu ku na patse datang ka akit mu na sasalikut ku mu king maskarang ini; na papakit ku mu na ala kung pakialam, mapamyalung, at ali byasang lumugud; na apapanasakit da ka kasi lalabanan ku ing daramdaman ku para keka; na akit mu na king kilublublan ku metung ku mung babaying tatakut lugud at manasakit. Panayan da ka, ika na talan king gamat ku palwal king madalumdum kung pisasalikutan. Para keka buklat ke ing pasbul ning biye ku, para keka lako ke ing maskara kung mapagmasyas at mailap. Para keka isugal ke ing pusu ku.

Short and Sweet

With permission I snatched this excerpt from Ghia's blog:

Now, am I normal? I think I am. I don’t want commitment, just a meaningful relationship. I don’t want patience and compromise and a constant effort to make things work. Not really a mindless fling, not a boyfriend either. But a whirlwind romance devoid of responsibilities and obligations. I want to start something with someone, but I want to make sure I don’t stay in it long enough to ruin it or worst, fall. I want someone who plans to enjoy it, but has no plans of making it last and joke around, as well. I want someone who wants the same things I do, someone who gets it. I want someone who would understand that I am slipping away because I am about to fall. When this happens I don't want him questioning me what went wrong. 'Cause if he leaves I won't be demanding for an explanation. I could be in pseudo pain but I won't let it show, I won't let him know. And I believe this doesn’t make me heartless. I am just cautious.

Now we haven't seen each other for years, this blogger friend of mine, but I'm glad I stumbled upon her blog. It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone, you know. That there's someone who would not stare at me blankly when i say these things; someone who would not call me weird, or a coward, or emotionally-retarded, or stupid, or cheap.

Now the part of gauging how long you should stay, that is a science I am yet to learn. Whether it's eight months or three weeks, it could be too long before it gets sour and end up a disaster.

One time, my former boss, Hyun, asked me, "do you miss being roommates with Layla (my temp roommate for a month or so)?" Without hesitation, I said, yeah, and started to recall all the good memories I had with her. Then she exclaimed, "See! That's what I mean. It was short and sweet. But do you think you would still feel the same if you've been together for too long?" Then she started to tell me about this Korean movie (btw Hyun is Korean) where the girl died and the boyfriend was left with bittersweet memories. She and her friends theorized that if the girl had lived and they became a couple for too long, they would've gotten tired of each other and it wouldn't end up to be as sweet and romantic as it did in the movie.

Another time, a friend was dumbfounded when I told him that I have never imagined myself being married to any of the guys I've been with. It's not that I haven't given commitment a chance,but my luck wasn't that good with that. For now, forever is too overwhelming a word for me knowing how people can change, and lie, or simply get tired of you.

Am I forever jaded? I hope not. A friend and I were chatting one night and at the end of all our bitter ranting against marriage and relationships,we admitted that, somehow, at the back of our heads, we are wishing that someone would come along and change the way we think.

Sigh, will that ever happen?