I've always thought of myself as non-adventurous. I've always found refuge in things... reliable. Why choose something new over something tested, I always say.
I think my housmates are about to throw up already with the perpetual sight of tofu in our ref. It's my current default food since the on-set of my domesticated phase (I suddenly felt like cooking my own food and washing my own clothes).
One of my student's mom was surprised to see me yesterday wearing girly stilettos. She must've thought I wear my favorite sneakers to sleep. Well, I'm really not boring, if that's how it sounds. If it doesn't involve too much risk like a slightly modified hairdo or a new ingredient to my tofu- like oyster sauce for Monday, Egg and Flour for Tuesday and (I know Luanne is dying to hear this) Toge (beansprouts) on Wednesday.
Okay, okay. I know its more than just being 'non-adventurous'. And don't worry God is shaking me out of my cowardice. Just yesterday, the Lord asked me to go out from my ususal day to face one of my Giants. One that I've been running from for months now. (Thanks Mommy Jill and Kim for your prayers!). True enough, God gave me victory. I just can't remember the last time I had the same high. The high of defeating something that would naturally crush me, only God was on my side.
The other day, during a party in a co-teacher's place, I heard a couple who excitedly told stories about their recent conquests (crusades). Unexpectedly, tears stung my eyes so bad I thought I'd embarrass myself. Tears of envy maybe... and of longing for my own adventures I guess. At times like these I realize I'm made for something else more than a predictable life. When all the fears are momentarily brushed away, deep within my heart I see the love for adventure there. I am made for this. Of all the titles I've acquired as a Christian, (i.e. 'daughter', 'servant', 'light' and all that), I dispised 'warrior' the most. It just didn't fit my preference for unruffled, undisturbed pseudo-peaceful life. But that didn't change the fact though. I am one.
One thing I recenlty learned-- though I choose to close my eyes to the war around me, it doesn't go away. As a matter of fact, a soldier with eyes closed is a soldier just the same. Only more likely to get hit-- Not as a civillian casualty but as a foolish target who doesn't use her armor and ammunition. That leaves me with no choice I guess.
Maiba ako. It's the 12th already. The clock ticks til the 17th. Would the elephants realize the chains are loose? (haha, those who have ears let them hear). This elephant is having a hard time playing the field, hehe.
#######
SOme things could really change in the span of two years huh? ;)
Posts
