Ricochet Babeh

It's funny how things can fire right back at you. Ika nga ni Nao Nao, nakahanap ako ng katapat. Boy how it stings when your very words ricochet and hit you between your eyes. "I wish there was an in-between... a gray area." A gray area. A gray area. A gray area. It still echoes in my head, but this time, it's not my own voice that I hear.My own medecine tastes as bitter as hell.

Public announcement: I now renounce gray areas. I swear off ambiguity. I resolve not to be vague. And oh, I'm officially playing the field. *hint hint*

Tila Isang Panaginip Lamang

Pasado alas otso palang kagabi, tulog na ako. Wala pang alas siete, ako'y nagkulong na ng kwarto. Sa panandaliang halos siyam na oras na iyon, nakatakas ako sa mundo. Sa tunog ng telepono. Sa hudyat ng ym or e-mail. Sa konting sandali nakuha kong magkunwari na tahimik ang mundo, mapapanaligan, at hindi ako sasaktan.
Paggising ko ng alas singko ng umaga, at sa unang mensaheng nabasa ko, ako'y napahagulgol. Oo't gising na nga ako. Mulat na rin ang aking puso sa katotohanan. Naluha ako sa napakaraming dahilan-- dahil may nawala sa 'kin... o di kaya'y, dahil sa wakas ay natauhan na ako, tulad ng paggising ko mula sa malalim at mahimbing kong tulog, na hindi siya naging akin mula sa simula pa lamang.
Mahirap bitawan ang bagay na nakagawian mo na, komportable na, o di kaya'y, mahirap mang aminin, napamahal na sa 'yo. Gayun pa man, mas mahirap lokohin ang sarili na darating pa ang panahon na magbabago rin ang mga bagay bagay. Hindi dahil namumunga na ito ng kahulugan para sa iyo ay gayun din para sa iba.
Masakit mapagtanto na wala pala talaga kayo sa parehong pahina ng isang tao; o mas malungkot, magkaibang nobela pala ang inyong binabasa. Mahirap isipin na sa wakas na ika'y handa na, siya pala'y hindi naman talaga kayang ipaglaban ka.
Masakit mambura ng mga mensahe at mga larawan (at ng contacts), at lalong malungkot ang mambura ng mga alaala ng pinagsamahan.
Pero may mga bagay talaga na kailangan magwakas. Mga bagay na kailangan tapusin bago mahimbing, upang paggising sa umaga ay magmistulang isang panaginip lamang ang lahat.

Day 18: Goofy boss=goofy office

Despite the hard work, how can I not love this office?

Day 17: wildlife

Jordan my editor gets freaked out by the wildlife in this house-- common household creatures like cockroaches and lizards which he is not used to. But admittedly, I got freaked out by the bubuli in the garage and of course, the snake that Bubbles saw in the laundry area. But nothing prepared me for this---
A frog was inside my room. Thanks to SR for picking it up and throwing it out.

Do you want to leave too?

Leave now. So I can just deal with all this with one blow.

Day 12: Excuse me Santa....

But I really didn't ask for that...
My quote for the day: "I take responsibilities seriously... That's why I avoid them."
It cracked up my editor but... I suppose it didn't work as an excuse. *gulps* what did I just get myself into?

My new desktop wallpaper

This time it's ME. Just me.

I'm going to take some me time for a while starting tomorrow.

I keep on forgetting that there are only a few things that really stick around in life--- your family, a handful of old friends, and yourself (oh and sometimes some unwanted belly fats, sigh.)
Lately I've been feeling too vulnerable. I have put down my defenses one too many times the past few months, thus all these unnecessary pain.

So I am off to remind myself of these constant things (well except for the adipose tissues). I need to store some mental pictures, for me to remember to toughen up when I go back to my oh-so-temporary world.

Come Monday, there are things that I need to do: Face...and make... some changes. Accept losses. Muster up independence from things that are bound to leave.

So I'll see you guys next week.

Day 7:Anything to help me get you out of my system.

So yeah. Water, gatorade, coffee and aspirin.

Day 6: Because bosses are humans, too.

Thud. Followed by a bloodcurdling scream.

Why? She wouldn't say anything. Except that she needs alcohol.

Prior the scene she sent this:

I will post pictures of the uhm inu mahal and/or bull session later...

F*ck you change!

Warning: Hormone-surge moment (seriously, I even emoticon-hugged my editor today.)

Too many changes happening lately.

Old familiar feelings resurface. I suddenly feel six years old again and my favorite sister goes to college in the city. I feel 15 and my bestfriend finds a new buddy. I feel 18 and my friends one by one move on to couple-hood.
For most of my time since then, I have steered away from attachment knowing that, f*uck, things change. People move on. And it sucks to be left behind looking clueless thinking, "Where are you going? Aren't we all warm and cozy here?"
Unfortunately, I guess I have inevitably been attached to a lot of really nice things and really nice people lately and all these (inevitable) changes leave me with this unsettling feeling again. F*ck you change.

Day 5: But I don't have an excuse

Today I went toy-shopping at Toys R Us for Migoy's birthday gift and I was queerly drawn to this adorable (?) thing...

But I, a supposedly mature and sensible 26-year old girl with no pressing need for retail-therapy, don't have an excuse to buy myself a (1) bear that is (2) hideously green. Gawd, but it was like a puppy-that-no-kid-would-choose asking me to adopt it... I left the store heartbroken. Darn I should've bought it, huh?


On the brighter side (yes, I've been cheating in this project for the past few days, always having 2 photos to share), this is my first Starbucks 2009 planner-promo sticker. I stopped using my 2008 by July I think, so yeah, I am only in it for the chase. Sue me.

Porgramming Interruption

Let me interrupt this project 365 mood by saying...

I WANT ONE OF THESE!!!!

Day 3: I left my heart in Diliman.

I have never had a photo with Oble. So when I decided to ditch my plans of going home to Pampanga to tag along with Liz (and Nao) to the AME conference at Bahay ng Alumni, I didn't pass up this photo op.
It's been four years since my graduation and a lot has changed in the campus since then. The jeepney routes have changed. There's a bike lane now. CAL has its own building now. The isaw stand near Ilang whas been moved, and so has Manang Carmen's store. But a trip to UP never ceases to give me overwhelming nostalgia. I guess decades may pass but my heart will always find its home in UP Diliman. It remains to be my happy place.

Drama aside, this is the next best thing that happened that day.

Thanks to our very flexible photographer for making this photo possible. ;)

Project 365:Day 1

Liz and Layla are both enthusiastic about starting project 365. I thought I'll jump right into the bandwagon to exercise my commitment-muscles, as well (baby steps, people, baby steps).

So today is day #1 *enthusiastic grin*



The story: This is a corner of my work area. It is relatively orderly today. For some reason, when I'm upset, I get the compulsion to organize, throw-out stuff, scrub bathroom floors... you get my drift... So last night, I did just that. Made sure my desk is clear before I stormed out to get some fresh *cough* air.

The picture: The calendar--Manong Dan's collection of exquisite photos (which I haven't turned from October to November, sorry), Inchul the dog (my officemates' bday gift for me last August) wearing a tiara from Liz's bday party last October, and a bag of mallow blast from Bubbles.

Pissed Phlegmatic

The thing is i am phlegmatic. (Don't know what it means? Patient that I am supposed to be I'm too pissed to explain. Click this instead.)

So when I say I am pissed off, I mean I AM PISSED OFF.

Sorry just venting.