Friday, July 13, 2007

Of Scattered Thoughts and a Sad Bottomline

I was YMing with an ex-officemate, MeanMay, and she asked, "No, really...what are your thoughts about it?" (referring to a rather shocking occurence in this place where we met). I answered, "My thoughts...My thoughts are everywhere."

I really don't know what to think... I also find it quite hard to decipher what I feel, as a matter of fact. Not only about that "rather shocking occurence" but about stuff i'm being dealt with right now. Honestly, from the pit of my stomach and the depths of my heart, I solidly, wholeheartedly believe there is no reason to be down or depressed or low or even anxious about. After all, I just so know that God minds every detail of my life. But I did find myself in tears as I lay my head on my pillow last night.

I guess it's just the physical exhaustion over the weekend, the emotional roller coaster for the past few days, my Lord's personal dealings to my heart that He just finds so precious...and the loneliness perhaps?

I don't even feel worried, as I my heart so trusts His word that He works for the good of those who love Him (rom 8:28). I don't feel angry, for bottomline, there's no one(or no use) to blame. I don't feel hopeless for I find countless of reasons to wake-up each day and move toward my destiny.

I guess I'm just... sad.

Can I be sad, Lord?