What does it take?

Funny how I spent thousands (literally) to keep myself distracted when at the end of the day, the clothes and the toys end up ignored, the booze barfed, the coffee and cakes settled as unwanted fats in my gut, and I still fall asleep with thoughts of the same thing.

Ricochet Babeh

It's funny how things can fire right back at you. Ika nga ni Nao Nao, nakahanap ako ng katapat. Boy how it stings when your very words ricochet and hit you between your eyes. "I wish there was an in-between... a gray area." A gray area. A gray area. A gray area. It still echoes in my head, but this time, it's not my own voice that I hear.My own medecine tastes as bitter as hell.

Public announcement: I now renounce gray areas. I swear off ambiguity. I resolve not to be vague. And oh, I'm officially playing the field. *hint hint*

Tila Isang Panaginip Lamang

Pasado alas otso palang kagabi, tulog na ako. Wala pang alas siete, ako'y nagkulong na ng kwarto. Sa panandaliang halos siyam na oras na iyon, nakatakas ako sa mundo. Sa tunog ng telepono. Sa hudyat ng ym or e-mail. Sa konting sandali nakuha kong magkunwari na tahimik ang mundo, mapapanaligan, at hindi ako sasaktan.
Paggising ko ng alas singko ng umaga, at sa unang mensaheng nabasa ko, ako'y napahagulgol. Oo't gising na nga ako. Mulat na rin ang aking puso sa katotohanan. Naluha ako sa napakaraming dahilan-- dahil may nawala sa 'kin... o di kaya'y, dahil sa wakas ay natauhan na ako, tulad ng paggising ko mula sa malalim at mahimbing kong tulog, na hindi siya naging akin mula sa simula pa lamang.
Mahirap bitawan ang bagay na nakagawian mo na, komportable na, o di kaya'y, mahirap mang aminin, napamahal na sa 'yo. Gayun pa man, mas mahirap lokohin ang sarili na darating pa ang panahon na magbabago rin ang mga bagay bagay. Hindi dahil namumunga na ito ng kahulugan para sa iyo ay gayun din para sa iba.
Masakit mapagtanto na wala pala talaga kayo sa parehong pahina ng isang tao; o mas malungkot, magkaibang nobela pala ang inyong binabasa. Mahirap isipin na sa wakas na ika'y handa na, siya pala'y hindi naman talaga kayang ipaglaban ka.
Masakit mambura ng mga mensahe at mga larawan (at ng contacts), at lalong malungkot ang mambura ng mga alaala ng pinagsamahan.
Pero may mga bagay talaga na kailangan magwakas. Mga bagay na kailangan tapusin bago mahimbing, upang paggising sa umaga ay magmistulang isang panaginip lamang ang lahat.

Day 18: Goofy boss=goofy office

Despite the hard work, how can I not love this office?

Day 17: wildlife

Jordan my editor gets freaked out by the wildlife in this house-- common household creatures like cockroaches and lizards which he is not used to. But admittedly, I got freaked out by the bubuli in the garage and of course, the snake that Bubbles saw in the laundry area. But nothing prepared me for this---
A frog was inside my room. Thanks to SR for picking it up and throwing it out.

Do you want to leave too?

Leave now. So I can just deal with all this with one blow.

Day 12: Excuse me Santa....

But I really didn't ask for that...
My quote for the day: "I take responsibilities seriously... That's why I avoid them."
It cracked up my editor but... I suppose it didn't work as an excuse. *gulps* what did I just get myself into?

My new desktop wallpaper

This time it's ME. Just me.

I'm going to take some me time for a while starting tomorrow.

I keep on forgetting that there are only a few things that really stick around in life--- your family, a handful of old friends, and yourself (oh and sometimes some unwanted belly fats, sigh.)
Lately I've been feeling too vulnerable. I have put down my defenses one too many times the past few months, thus all these unnecessary pain.

So I am off to remind myself of these constant things (well except for the adipose tissues). I need to store some mental pictures, for me to remember to toughen up when I go back to my oh-so-temporary world.

Come Monday, there are things that I need to do: Face...and make... some changes. Accept losses. Muster up independence from things that are bound to leave.

So I'll see you guys next week.

Day 7:Anything to help me get you out of my system.

So yeah. Water, gatorade, coffee and aspirin.

Day 6: Because bosses are humans, too.

Thud. Followed by a bloodcurdling scream.

Why? She wouldn't say anything. Except that she needs alcohol.

Prior the scene she sent this:

I will post pictures of the uhm inu mahal and/or bull session later...

F*ck you change!

Warning: Hormone-surge moment (seriously, I even emoticon-hugged my editor today.)

Too many changes happening lately.

Old familiar feelings resurface. I suddenly feel six years old again and my favorite sister goes to college in the city. I feel 15 and my bestfriend finds a new buddy. I feel 18 and my friends one by one move on to couple-hood.
For most of my time since then, I have steered away from attachment knowing that, f*uck, things change. People move on. And it sucks to be left behind looking clueless thinking, "Where are you going? Aren't we all warm and cozy here?"
Unfortunately, I guess I have inevitably been attached to a lot of really nice things and really nice people lately and all these (inevitable) changes leave me with this unsettling feeling again. F*ck you change.

Day 5: But I don't have an excuse

Today I went toy-shopping at Toys R Us for Migoy's birthday gift and I was queerly drawn to this adorable (?) thing...

But I, a supposedly mature and sensible 26-year old girl with no pressing need for retail-therapy, don't have an excuse to buy myself a (1) bear that is (2) hideously green. Gawd, but it was like a puppy-that-no-kid-would-choose asking me to adopt it... I left the store heartbroken. Darn I should've bought it, huh?


On the brighter side (yes, I've been cheating in this project for the past few days, always having 2 photos to share), this is my first Starbucks 2009 planner-promo sticker. I stopped using my 2008 by July I think, so yeah, I am only in it for the chase. Sue me.

Porgramming Interruption

Let me interrupt this project 365 mood by saying...

I WANT ONE OF THESE!!!!

Day 3: I left my heart in Diliman.

I have never had a photo with Oble. So when I decided to ditch my plans of going home to Pampanga to tag along with Liz (and Nao) to the AME conference at Bahay ng Alumni, I didn't pass up this photo op.
It's been four years since my graduation and a lot has changed in the campus since then. The jeepney routes have changed. There's a bike lane now. CAL has its own building now. The isaw stand near Ilang whas been moved, and so has Manang Carmen's store. But a trip to UP never ceases to give me overwhelming nostalgia. I guess decades may pass but my heart will always find its home in UP Diliman. It remains to be my happy place.

Drama aside, this is the next best thing that happened that day.

Thanks to our very flexible photographer for making this photo possible. ;)

Project 365:Day 1

Liz and Layla are both enthusiastic about starting project 365. I thought I'll jump right into the bandwagon to exercise my commitment-muscles, as well (baby steps, people, baby steps).

So today is day #1 *enthusiastic grin*



The story: This is a corner of my work area. It is relatively orderly today. For some reason, when I'm upset, I get the compulsion to organize, throw-out stuff, scrub bathroom floors... you get my drift... So last night, I did just that. Made sure my desk is clear before I stormed out to get some fresh *cough* air.

The picture: The calendar--Manong Dan's collection of exquisite photos (which I haven't turned from October to November, sorry), Inchul the dog (my officemates' bday gift for me last August) wearing a tiara from Liz's bday party last October, and a bag of mallow blast from Bubbles.

Pissed Phlegmatic

The thing is i am phlegmatic. (Don't know what it means? Patient that I am supposed to be I'm too pissed to explain. Click this instead.)

So when I say I am pissed off, I mean I AM PISSED OFF.

Sorry just venting.

Halloween/Baby Shower Party

Since Hyun has never experienced Halloween and Layla wanted to throw her baby shower today (end of month=payday), we decided to have a 2-in-1 party later in the afternoon. No one really prepared for their costume, so we agreed last night to just wear something weird/unusual.

I decided to come as a gypsy... slash chemo patient.

Will post party pictures later. :)

Then I Knew I was Over You

Matagal na akong may paghanga sa 'yo. Mukha ka pang busabos noon. Tinutuya nila ako at bakit daw kita nagustuhan. Nangunsumi ako at di nila makita ang nakikita ko; Gayun pa man, natuwa rin ako't solong solo kita. Kilala ka na nga ng buong pamilya ko e, pati ang pamangkin ko na mula noong dalawang taong gulang pa lang ay alam ng bigkasin ang pangalan mo.
Pero marami nang nagbago sa'yo at ako'y nagbago rin naman siguro kahit paano. Ayaw ko paring bumitiw sa umpisa, kahit ramdam ko na ang panlalamig ng puso ko. Hindi ko parin kinayang tanggapin...hanggang noong isang araw lamang...
Nabalitaan ko na nasa malapit ka lang, ilang hakbang lang mula sa aking kinaroroonan. Oo at magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin ko na hindi ako nabalisang isipin na tatawid lang ako at masisilayan na kita.Pero sa panahong kumatok si Ate Cathy ng napakalakas upang bulabugin ang tulog ko, at sinabing, "Halika bilis! Puntahan natin!" naramdaman ko na lamang ang sarili kong umiling at nagkibit balikat, sabay sara sa pinto.



Isipin mo nga naman John Lloyd, pagkatapos ng ilang taon... malilimutan rin pala kita...


ahehe wala lang.

Dahil Gusto Ko ring Maging Defensive

For Immediate Release
Contact Person:
Isabelita Reyes: Asst. Vice President for PublicAffairs
Director, UP System Information Office
Contact Numbers: 926-1572 0918-9091361

UP DID NOT PARTICIPATE IN THES-QS UNIVERSITY RANKINGS

In the 2008 university rankings recently released by the Times Higher Education Supplement (THES) and Quacquarelli Symonds (QS), the University of the Philippines rose from 398 in 2007 to 276 this year. Ateneo de Manila University rose from 401-500 to 254. De La Salle University was ranked 415th and the University of Santo Tomas was ranked 470th.

This is the third year that such a survey has been conducted and its results given prominence by local dailies. But according to UP Vice President for Public Affairs Cristina Pantoja Hidalgo, UP has never agreed to participate in this survey. In fact, this year, President Emerlinda R. Roman did not even receive an invitation to be a part of it. Nor did she receive any questionnaire to answer.

What she did receive was an email message from QS Asia Regional Director (Asia Pacific), Mandy Mok, informing her that UP had 'gone up in the rankings' for 2008. The email also contained an invitation to buy 'an attractive package' from THES-QS. The 'package price,' which includes a banner on topuniversities. com, a full page full
color ad in Top Universities Guide 2009, and a booth at Top Universities Fair 2009, amounts to $48,930.

Since UP was not invited to participate and therefore had not provided any data, UP officials do not know where and how the figures were obtained on which the ranking was based, Hidalgo said.

'UP can hardly be expected to spend more than 2 million pesos on publicity for itself involving a survey conducted by an organization that refuses to divulge where it obtains its data,' she added.

In 2007, UP was invited to participate in the survey, but when THES-QS refused to explain where it obtained the data used to determine UP's rank in the 2006 survey, university officials decided not to accept the invitation to be part of the 2007 survey. In 2006, UP was ranked No. 299, and Ateneo was ranked No. 500.

UP wrote THES-QS in July 2007, informing them of UP's decision not to be a part of the survey; and again in September 2007, requesting the organization to respect UP's decision. In response, research assistant Saad Shabir wrote back saying that if it did not receive the information it would be 'forced to use last year's data or some form of average.'

Surveys and rankings obviously have their usefulness. But, as the National University—status officially granted to it with its new Charter on its centennial year—UP feels
that before it agrees to participate in such an exercise, it must carefully examine the indices by which it is to be evaluated. It also needs to be convinced about the reliability of the methodology used in the exercised.

The THES-QS ranking is supposedly meant to serve as 'the definitive guide to universities around the world which truly excel.' In evaluating institutions it computes half of the index based on its reputation as perceived by academics (peer review 40%) and global employers (recruiter review 10%). Since it does not specify who are surveyed or what questions are asked, the methodology is problematic.

In an earlier statement released in August this year, and carried by several national dailies, UP said: 'Even peers require standardized input data to review. But according to the International Ranking Systems for Universities and Institutions: A Critical Appraisal, published by BioMed Central, the Times simply asks 190,000 'experts' to list what they regard as the top 30 universities in their field of expertise without providing input data on any performance indicators (http://www.biomedce ntral.com/ 1741-7015/ 5/30). Moreover, the survey response rate among selected experts was found to be below 1%. In other words, on the basis of possible selection biases alone, the validity of the measurement is shaky.' (See Pano, 'Only Two RP Unviersities Made It…' UP Newsletter, August 2007, p. 5.)

According to the statement, the other half of the index is based on such indicators as student-to faculty ratio, the number of foreign faculty and foreign students in the university, and the number of citations in internationally accredited publications. 'Data for these indicators depend on the information that participating institutions submit. An institution' s index may be easily distorted if it fails to submit data for the pertinent indicators, or if it chooses not to participate. '



Sergio S. Cao, PhD
Professor of Finance
College of Business Administration
University of the Philippines
Diliman, Quezon City
Philippines 1101
Telephone: (632)-9284571
Telefax: (632)-9297991

Laziness.

Technology is a lazy ass' bestfriend. Thanks to the cross-posting feature of multiply, everything I post on my multiply blog gets cross-posted here. Since I just incidentally confessed laziness, let me also admit that it is for the same reason that I kept on posting surveys and memes-- it is easier than composing a new blog entry haha. But I guess I have dumped too many surveys on here so I decided to get rid of 'em for the sake of the few people who take a sec to check this blog, only to be disappointed with random and trivial facts about me. For the Kapampangan entries though, sorry Mean May, no translations to keep their sense of mystery bwahaha.

Sunday Office Musings

While Liz was quietly waiting for Nao before their hiphop dance class with the Allstars and I was contemplating if I should just sleep the night off since I didn't get decent sleep the night before.

Meg: *blurts out* "Could some people just not be cut out for normal, functional relationships?"
Liz: "...then I would be a perfect candidate."
Meg:"So would I."

Katha

May ikinakasal na tikbalang. Maaliwalas ang langit at maliwanag ang sikat ng araw ngunit umaambon. Kasabihan ng mga matatanda ay ito raw ay hudyat ng mahiwagang pag-iisang dibdib. Malinaw na kathang-isip lamang ang mga nilalang na ito, ngunit masarap din itong isalarawan sa isipan sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. Nakapagbibigay ng panandaliang ginhawa ng dibdib ang mantakin na may hiwagang nakakubli sa tila nakakapanghinawang pang araw-araw na buhay.
Kagabi ay nakasipat ako ng mga tala sa kalangitan. Tulad ngayon, ang mga ulap ay nagbigay daan, at muling nakasilip ang mga munting bituin, tanawin na kaytagal ng hindi nasisilayan dahil sa walang humpay na unos. Habang ako'y nagnilaynilay ng kahulugan ng kaligayahan, sinugasog ko rin ang kahiwagaan ng langit.Sa huli, akin ring napagtanto: ang kaligayahan ay hindi naman isang kababalaghang natatago sa mga ulap o sa alamat ni Lola.

Ala mu.

mapagal ku. marok ku panamdaman. lalu da kang pantunan. hay. masakit ing malulumo.

Ali mu rin.

Oyni napin ing sasabyan ku e. Kaya buri ku sang aryan na kanita pa.Bala ta mu mu na masyas ku; ali rin pala. Makyalung ku sana. Ot ikana ing pane ku kukwentu? Ot kilala da nka ring kaluguran ku? Ot parehu ta na buring kanta? Ot pantunan da na ka? Ot alwa na ku daramdaman patse tatalnan mu ku? Ot mipagaga ku ng ikit da kang meko? Istu napin, bayu ku pa manasakit. Mayap na atin tang agaganakang masayang piabayan.

Underneathe it All

Dahil kinanta 'to kagabi... adik na ko hehehe

There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me
There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete
But, you see the colors in me like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're...
You're something else

Chorus:
You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You know some real bad tricks
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best
And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad

(Repeat Chorus)

So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
Better... better...

Lady Saw:
For real
'cause I'm a need to tell
You are me real Prince Charmin'
Like the heat from the fire
You were always burnin'
Any time you're around
My body keeps callin'
For your touch
Your kisses and your sweet romancin'
There's another side to you
That so many adore
Aside from your temper
Everything is secure
You're good for me, baby
Of that, I'm a sure
Over and over, again
Me want more

Gwen:
You've used up all your coupons
And all you've got left is me
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness
I guess it's meant to be

(Repeat Chorus)

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
And you want to love me
Underneath it all
And I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
And you're really lovely

Referee's Lessons

I have found myself in the middle of a He said-She said situation the past couple of days and it fascinates me how men and women can think so differently.

It's amazing how a woman (not excluding myself) can endlessly search for meaning behind a word, a look, a touch, a moment... or even a coincidence.

It's perplexing how men are so much simpler than women give them credit for. Aside from some isolated cases perhaps, "what you see is what you get" basically applies to them.

A woman needs validation, affirmation, or at least clarification.

A man can deny an issue hoping it would go away on its own. (not entirely a male characteristic I admit hehe)

A woman needs a deeper meaning; a security of a concrete definition (well no matter how I claim that I enjoy vagueness and gray areas, I admit, I can relate)

A man can just... enjoy the moment.

Admittedly, I would like to insert a scorching comment here about how guys can be so insensitive, but I suppose us girls need to loosen up a bit, too.

Heniwey, my guidance counseling gig led me to some introspection and eventually to some liberating realizations.

There were really no unwritten words between those carefully archived lines.

This guy's sweet gesture is NOT teeming with unspoken words.

The years of history with that one doesn't have to make sense, even.

The compliment the other night does not mean he's going to cross the seven seas for me. hahaha

To hope something deeper comes out of this other thing is useless.

As a wise Canadian guy once said, it stings like hell, but accept it and move on. Some people don't see you in that light, but you'll find someone else who will. As soon as you let go.

Interesting.

NOVEMBER 5

Wahahahaha!

Meme: 4 things

Four things

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Writer
2. CSR
   
3. pre-school teacher
   
4. gs teacher
   

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. Bucket list

2. As good as it gets

3. wedding singer

4. life is beautiful

Four places I’ve lived

1. pampanga
2. up n up vill
   
3. makati
   
4. tierra pura
   

Four TV shows I love

1. house

2. lost

3. friends

4. grey's

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. Sagada
2. Ilocos
3. Baguio
4. puerto galera
   

Four of my favorite dishes

1. baby back ribs

2. crispy pata

3. sisig (yes, death wish)

4. chicken ala kiev

Four sites I visit daily

1. multiply

2. my blog

3. friendster

4. mail

Four places I would rather be right now

1. venice
2. marrakesh
3. sagada
4. france
   

Four bloggers I am tagging

1. Liz

2. Bubbles

3. Nica

4. Ben

Grabbed from Tin hehe

The value of the UP Experience

There are no children here

This week, I went to a meeting at the UP School of Economics and I came
away with renewed belief in the value of the UP experience.

If you speak to anyone from UP – student, professor, alumnus - you will get
no Latin slogans or apologies about how the school teaches values in spite
of its outward materialism. This is not a student population that thinks
about
basketball games or memorizes school songs. This is not a school that
chooses one statement to drill into the minds of its students.

This is not, of course, to say that UP does not care about values. It is
that
UP, in its own inimitable way, believes that values cannot be force-fed.
The statue of the naked man that guards the entrance to the campus in
Diliman best represents UP's approach to all education and the respect for
students that is the center of its educational philosophy. All who come to
this university, regardless of origin, bring themselves naked, carrying
nothing
but their thirst; like the proverbial empty teacup, making an offering of
self,
waiting to be filled.

Adults

For many students from private schools, the first lesson that is learned
here is that this is a school for adult education. There are no children
here,
and that is why no parents are allowed either at freshman orientation or
during enlistment.

The spirit of the oblation lies not in a mother or a father offering up his
child to the world, it is that of the newly adult, freely offering of his
self.

I remember quite vividly that moment that drove home how different the
UP education continues to be. It was my daughter's first semester in
university and she had invited a group of her high school friends to our
house. One of them asked a classmate whether she had gotten her parents
permission form approved for that weekend's outreach activity. From the
UP population around the table came the mock horrified responses of:
"Permission? " and "Outreach?"

I thought about it and realized that all of these students were, in fact,
legally adults. I thought it interesting that only the UP students appeared
to appreciate this fact.

Even more interesting was the "outreach" comment. I think back to my own
university years and the last three years that my daughter has been in UP
and am certain there is no lack of civic activity. There are medical
missions, house building projects, tree planting, community work and barrio
work and so on. I realize now that the reaction was not to the activity as
much as it was to the use of the word.

One of the most important differences of the UP campus from all the other
campuses my children considered going to is that this campus has no walls.
Many parents fear this. They are afraid their precious children will not be
protected from the ills of society in a campus that is so open to the rest
of
the world.

But UP is open to the world in more ways than just not having the physical
walls.

Community

Being in UP means much more than being a student. This campus is
enmeshed in a community. This community is made up not only of the
transient population of students who go home each night. It includes the
many,
many students who lay their heads on dorm pillows each night, enduring time
away from families in the firm belief that this campus will bring them
closer to
their dreams. This community includes the families of faculty and employees
who live on campus. It also includes the many people who work not for the
University, but nevertheless work on campus. This community includes the
lady who remembers the brand of cigarette you smoke and automatically
hands it to you in the morning. It includes the gentleman who remembers you
like pepper on your egg sandwich or the one who knows you will dip your fish
balls into two of his sauces, who patiently waits for you to eat your three
sticks before being paid. It includes the woman who saw all her children
through college by selling peanuts every day on campus.

To a UP student, the daily heartbeat of the school is never far away from
the realities of the country. The word outreach suggests that civic activity
is
something outside of the normal, something you do once in a while. It must
be
immensely difficult to think of community as a thing apart when your campus
experience brings you face to face with all of the world's realities every
day.

Character

All of this probably explains that unmistakable sense of self that you will
find from students who come from this campus.

Here is a campus where all have the same opportunities to learn. But also,
here is a campus that will give all the same opportunities to fail. There
are no
guidance counselors who will chase after you because you have been skipping
classes. The attitude this university takes is that you must take the
initiative –
for learning, for seeking help, for realizing you need help.

That is not to say that no help exists. But it is help that is not forced
upon you.

This is a university rich in both introspection and conversation. On this
campus,
the student is constantly exposed to people – faculty, administrators,
community
members, other students – who care deeply and passionately about the world.
The conversations are almost never purely cerebral. A single graph can
provoke
comments about government policy and its effects on people.

As a result, UP is home to a student population that looks at the world and
cares.
It is easy to see pictures of protesting students and dismiss it as
radicalism. But
there are few campuses in this country where students go beyond a passing
curiosity
about what is happening in the world beyond their own lives. There are even
fewer
universities where students not only care but also actually believe they
have a
responsibility to make a difference – not in some hazy future – today.

And that, I believe, is what truly forges character. Character is not molded
by
speeches or long classes in ethics or theology. Character grows from within.
It
begins by being handed the keys to your own self and being told you are in
charge;
you now have power over yourself and your own actions – and with that power,
you
take on responsibilities.

Each student in this university goes through his own unique voyage of
discovery.
On his voyage, as he decides what he cares about, what he will fight for and
what
he will sacrifice, he crafts his own personal values. That is what education
is truly about. =)

I'm Sorry

I guess explanations, apologies and goodbyes are in order. I know the decisions I've been making affects too many people more than I can ever comprehend. I have no excuse for all the pain that I am causing; the questions that are now reeling through your minds. I just have to do this now. I'm really really sorry.

Hit by a lightning

Could I have possibly been hit by a lightning and not notice it?

Interesting conversation with my editor:


meg : oh well. if u survive after sticking metal stuff into sockets, tell me about the experience
meg : if you saw a bright light or sumthing
Jordan : haha...I'll write a book about it
Jordan : That's kinda what I'm going for..
meg : cool. that is if ur brain aint fried by then
Jordan : True. U know, they say that if you survive being seirously electricuted that your personality totally changes..
Jordan : actually..they don't SAY, that's fact.
Jordan : So if you get struck by lightning...and survive..
Jordan : you'll be a totally different person than u r now.
meg : maybe that's what any near death experience does to people
Jordan : Nope. Just being electrocuted..
Jordan Sanders: Rearranges the neurons in your brain..
meg : so if i want a personality make over....
Jordan : Fly a kite in the thunderstorm.
Jordan : Exactly.
Jordan : Or work for MotherTongue..


Been talking to Litz about stuff I've been doing that are.. out of character. And I wondered out loud: but you know, at the end of it all, the stories you go back to are the crazy stuff you did.So what really matters?

Like Yo and I screaming from the top of our lungs over the busy traffic of EDSA at the MRT overpass in Quezon Ave.

Staying up until morning at the Sunken Garden.

Skinny dipping.

... and a lot of spur of the moments stuff.

Could this go-crazy-while-I'm-young be reeling out of control?

The Art of Disappearing

When they say Don’t I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It’s not that you don’t love them anymore.
You’re trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven’t seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don’t start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

- Naomi Shihab Nye

meme from litz

The Rules:
1. Write something about 15 different people.
2. You can NOT say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.

1. Thank you for everything. If not for you I don't know where id be.
2. We hardly talk and yet I seem to look for traces of you in them.
3. You care. And you need nothing in return from me. If only all people are like you. Even me.
4. Ur annoying at times, but i see a part of who i was in you. hope you also overcome..
5. Ur full of surprises. Once i got past the shell, ur surprisingly all soft and gooey inside.
6. I thought u were different. Boys would be boys,huh? Im cool.
7.If only you were real. More than just an infusion of fantasy with bits of reality in my head.
8. If only you are not too afraid. You wouldn't get that old being like that. :p
9. When u came, you brought us back together.
10. I miss you, but more than that, I miss who u were.
11. I don't want to leave you hanging like this. For a long time, it was as if you were my only reason. please don't lose hope because of me.
12. I still hope ur here. u were my childhood hero. i even surprise myself by seeing so much of you in me.
13. Dude, thanks. I really needed a friend that night.
14. You think its nothing; that i should just ignore it and go on.I really don't want to disappoint you but I think i risk having a nervous breakdown if i keep on like this.
15. I am glad you are finding yourself now. i see ur still a bit scared of this being real deal, but ud get used to it.

mood for drama

Perfect.

Perfect for drama, that is.

With Beauty and Madness playing in the background, (along with other cheesy songs this supposedly shuffled list is spewing out), dim pinlights, untouched food on the table-- this is too dramatic, cruelly dramatic.

With the familiar taste of bad habit in my mouth i ponder on who i was, who i was before that, who i am now, and who i am becoming. I shudder.

yes, i speak in riddles again. sue me.

Of Quarter Life Crises and Other Random Thoughts

Nang dahil iniwan ko ang house keys ko at ayaw magising ng kasambahay ko(at wag mo nang itanong kung bakit ang aga kong lumuwas ng maynila), naisip ko munang maglakad lakad. Sa banayad na sikat ng araw at malamig na simoy ng hangin, ako'y nakapagnilay nilay ng mga mangilan-ngilang bagay:

* wi-fi man sa labas ng gate, di rin pwedeng tumalungko at mag on-line. Baka masita ng guard.


* hindi lahat ng masiyahing tao ay masaya.


* habang tumatanda ka, mas maraming matatalino at fascinating na tao kang makikilala na hindi taga UP (wehehe)


* sa dami ng yugto ng ating mga buhay... meron ba talagang mananatili magkpakailanman?


* mainam man na mabuti ang tingin sakin ng mga tao, hinahanap hanap ko parin ang mga taong alam ang toyo ko.


At mabuti naman at nagising na si Layla.


#############

BTW, In the spirit of my quarter-life crisis, I now have Japayuki Hair.
Lookie:

Birthday Update

I can't really remember the last time I felt this special on my birthday. Despite the failed surprise attempts (i.e. Text message: "Di ba po birthday ni ate meg today? Let's surprise her... Pwede ba kayo?" My reply: "Oo, pwede naman ako.") I really appreciate the effort.


I was also surprised how my officemates were able to sneak in the cake without leaving a trail. And the effort to walk a guy through buying a cute present was heartwarming haha.


That day Lu texted me, "So what do you want to do ba?"
I replied, "Go wild. Eat lots of gelato and sing off-key."
Actually, I typed from the top of my head. And I meant it more in a figurative way really.

But after the planned dinner at Amici (where yes, I had my gelato fill), they brought me to Music 21 where I got to sing my heart out mindless of those musical technicalities called notes. Oh yeah. I sang like a drunk boy in puberty, but who cares. Never mind that I was a sober 26-year old female. It was my freaking birthday.

















I got pretty special stuffed presents too (aside from my one year supply of kikay things?). The aforementioned stroke-victim bear, a stuffed uhm, hand warmer is it? which I am not sure if it is winking or...*horrified gasp* could it have suffered stroke too? and a quadriplegic, but awfully adorable, pup.




Seriously, thanks guys.
*hugs*

(*sorry for those not included in the photos... for some reason, there weren't much group photos that night)

The first gift I've ever gotten today-- my special stroke-survivor bear

I have a hilarious back story for this one promise. But ain't it special? wahaha

The Revenge of the Chubby Chicks

First.

The history of the monicker.
Layla (my temp roomie) and I were thinking of a theme that will suit our freshly painted almost-pastel green walls, our cheesecloth-like curtains, floral bedsheets (in pastel colors) and curtain rods with chipped white paint.


Me: "Oh! There's such a style, right? A bit rustic and all?"
Layla: "Yeah, it's called 'Shabby Chic'."
Me: "Great. Now we have a theme. Chubby Chicks. and oh. Liz is not allowed in here."







So.

The Chubby Chicks went out to have a wild night last night. It had been a long day for the both of us. We went to the mall and we shopped for desks and chairs. Pretty wild, huh?
But it didn't stop there! We got ourselves stuffed with meat at Tokyo Tokyo, had extra rice and upsized our red iced tea! This is our way of getting back at Cat-teeh (Korean pronunciation of Cathy , I guess?) for making us eat lame veggies and fish day after day. I thought that was a good blog title so. there.

The Revenge of the Chubby Chicks (against Cat-teeh).

(And oh, it sounds like the day ended uneventfully, but we had Dairy Queen ice cream to end our wild night. I even wonder if it's LEGAL to have so much almond slivers in your chocolate ice cream hehehe).

Sweet Escape

Take me away. Take me away. Take me away from here please...

Massages, Naps, and Endorphins

Whoa. That was one of the best massages I've ever gotten. We got this flyer advertising home service massage, and it's even cheaper than Indulgence spa's full body massage! I've been dreaming of a massage for the past month, so I just had to call for one after dinner. huwaw, ahlaveet.

I needed that. I've been stressing the past few days. plus the body beating from the trip last weekend. PLUS the sinuses acting up. Been emotional the past couple of days, too. I SOO DESERVED THAT MASSAGE.

AND I also needed the afternoon break. while the computer guy was tinkering with our computers, I got to take a short nap. That no drowse neozep soo pulled my leg. (Figures-- it says "non-drowsy" neozep. It probably meant the tablet itself aint sleepy. it dint promise not to make me drowsy).

I also needed this endorphin rush with my goofbud ben. thanks dude.


(the closest i can get to a roller coaster ride. and i still shrieked like hell)

I Survived Galera

I have a shirt that says "I survived Sagada." And I honestly think they should sell shirts that say "I survived Galera."
I know it's lame.What's there to survive anyway? (When I didn't even join the jungle tour that didn't involve any jungle wahaha)
Well.
1. Boat rides on unfriendly waves.
I know August is a crazy time to go to the beach but who can stop crazy sunblock-bathing Korean bosses and a sunshine-mantraing, extremely positive (well in this isolated case) Canadian editor?
2. Crazy sunblock-bathing Korean bosses and a sunshine-mantraing extremely positive Canadian editor. (haha they're cool really)
3. Walking on the non-beach. In the rain. To get souvenirs for friends. (and uh, self)
4. Being dragged by a moving boat while chugging gallons of salt water. (first time snorkler, what can I do?)
5. An entire Saturday on an island with nothing much to do but sand play, take pix, and get room-service henna. (yes, coz I passed up the aforementioned [non]jungle tour).
6. The horror of a micro SD card messing up 3 days worth of photos.
7. Wading in an extremely rocky beach without getting (new) cuts and bruises.
8. And wearing a swimsuit. without crowds running for their lives. Or kids having nightmares tonight (i hope).

Yes. I survived indeed. And I deserve that shirt!


On a different note,this was the most profound scene of the entire weekend:

(while fishing on a boat)

Liz: I feel tugging.
But I only get tiny nibbles.
*YELLS*
Stop nibbling, you fish!
COMMIT d*** it!

Whoa girl. We all hate nibblers, calm down ;)

ah lav et.

Story told more coherently here.
(Will post more photos soon)

Hyun's Birthday

Serioulsy... am a hypocrite... I'm not really a surprise party expert hahaha. Well, it's the thought that counts...

Talking in riddles: Of perfection and grace

Perfection.

I've always wanted to be perfect. That is a terrible confession I now publicly make. I don't want to make mistakes, especially in things that I can't bear a heartbreak about. That is why I've been running most of my life. Running from risks. Running from love.
Religion came along as a perfect guise. You see, I thought there is a way to avoid risks; a road to perfection without having to risk getting hurt along the way. I thought I can be safe forever.

Am I doubting my Shield and my Sun? Far from it.

But last night, I witnessed something significant. A picture of perfection in my mind crumbled. Admittedly, at first, I wanted to curse anything that led me to believe that perfection is possible. I wanted to curl up and hide deeper into my shell thinking that I'm darned for life for holding out for something that is not going to happen.
I didn't even want to look closer. I thought it might damage me for good if I come to see the ruins of what once was my idea of perfection. But I was wrong. I saw something even more beautiful.

I saw grace.
In the midst of imperfection, I saw the beauty of grace.

What can I say, office work can get less and less conventional nowadays

That is Di on a conference call/meeting wihihi

The Crazy Things You do After Cell Meetings

Fuzion, Greenbelt 3 cell, 7/8/08
Tuesday nights @ 7:30 pm





Apartment in Makati
6/28/08



aish, jugle??!!

My New Play Pen

This is the new play pen wehehehehe




Windows everywhere


The loft




So what do you on your first day at work? Party of course!




One cool Boss



Layla's Paparazzi shot


Gangsta Boy Ben


Ben's post-birthday party

INFP na Ko Ngayon?

Usually gentle and kind, they are intense and passionate about their values and deeply held beliefs, which they share with trusted friends. Because of their discreet manner, their enthusiasm may not be apparent. They are sensitive to others' pain, restlessness or general discomfort and strive to find happiness, balance and wholeness for themselves in order to help others find joy, satisfaction and plenitude. They are deeply empathetic.

They live life in an intently personal fashion, acting on the belief that each person is unique and that social norms are to be respected only if they do not hinder personal development or expression. They strive to adhere to their own high personal moral standards and are particularly sensitive to inconsistencies in their environment between what is being said and what is being done. Empty promises of adhering to something they value – such as environmental causes or human rights - set off an inner alarm and they may transform themselves into modern day Joan of Arcs.

They are quietly persistent in raising awareness of cherished causes and often fight for the underdog in quiet or not-so-quiet ways. In a team, they will raise issues of integrity, authenticity, and good or bad, and may to opt out if the team refuses to address the questions raised.

They are usually tolerant and open-minded, insightful, flexible and understanding. They live for the understanding of others and feel deeply grateful when someone takes the time to get to know them personally. They have good listening skills, are genuinely concerned, insightful, and usually avid readers. At their best, they inspire others to be themselves.

errrrr...

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Colors of My Heart ♥

Your Heart is Red and Orange

Your heart is enthusiastic and optimistic. You are creative, witty, and brilliant. You bring levity and happiness to relationships. You're good at loving people for who they are.

What Are the Colors of Your Heart?

Identity Crisis

I think it was Luanne's bro who first said that I look like her. (Luanne since then found one of the biggest kicks she's ever had by calling me names like "viva hotdog" and taking stolen shots that are, errr, not for friendster.) I let them have their kicks and took it as that.
I got a bit curious when my officemates from convergys started saying the same thing. By the time I moved to another call center, the people there were telling me that too, that I look like her. Well, guess what? Here at my latest work, people keep on calling me "Ms. Andrea."

meg_upd: "Kamukha ko ba talaga siya?"
Chachie: "Oo. Hehe."
meg_upd: "Pareho lang naman kaming morena. Saka ng abs."
Chachie: "abs ka jan."
meg_upd: "ma google nga."
Chachie: "parang di mo siya kilala."
meg_upd: "pero tignan mo yung features niya, ibang iba"
Chachie: "kahawig mo nga. Di naman sinabing sakto eh."


So what the heck, you know, why don't you see for yourself and tell me if it's true





Haha, just for fun folks ;)

My Valentine Blog

Yes I didn’t have a date on Vday. I spent it with friends: lunch with Chachie, coffee in the evening with Ate Myla and Cha, and my Vday ended with fireworks, literally, at the UP fair. I went to the fair with my sis Jet, Row & hubby, and Joy & Robert. To see couples go lovey-dovey (I even saw a guy sweep a girl off her feet along the sidewalks of Makati Ave.), I will be lying if I say I was not affected with my status of errr, singleness. But I know I am learning vital things. Vital lessons of preparation, I would take it ;)
My Valentine devotions was about Ps. 139. And the Lord just validated my emotions…
We are created to be known
There is something in us that wants to be known, whether in a platonic way or even in a more intimate way than that. Sometimes we confide to our friends, spend time with one another, we write letters, or we blog.. we find a way or another for at least a piece of us to be known, as if there is a fear in us to die without any one ever really knowing who we were.

Take friendships for example. We invest in building relationships of confidence and find satisfaction when we and our best friends are able to finish each other’s sentences.

During a surge of hormones in our teenage years, when a sudden identity issue hits us and we find deep in us a fear of not knowing our own selves, we experience a great need for our parents to show us that they know us and understand us (unfortunately, we often end up accusing them with a scorching “you don’t understand me!”).

We need, and we want to be known. This explains the extra kilig when someone takes note of our favorite things and the tiny details about us. (And why I was euphoric when my crushie called me by my name ♥) This is why we can endure sleepless nights just to stay on the phone all night talking about anything and everything about us; why many find marathon chatting and texting worth the while.

This is why we yearn to be vulnerable, naked (not hiding anything), and intimate with one another: we want to be known.

In the Bible, the term “know” was used interchangeably with making love (And Adam Knew Eve and she conceived..).. Unfortunately, we sometimes peddle our hearts (thanks Chachie for that term) for cheap substitutes to fill this need to be known. What is more sad is that sometimes, the desire may be too painful that we try to pretend it's not there-- we build walls and we harden our hearts.

Ps 139 says:

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

We are created to yearn to be known because in reality, there IS One who knows us through and through. One who can not only finish our sentences, but knowa our thoughts even before we say anything. He knows us even more than we know ourselves, even.
And the best thing? He knows every single detail about us—our past, our present, and our future; the number of hair on our head; when we sit and when we rise; every thought in our head; every idiosyncrasy and peculiarity we have — He knows all this and yet he tells us that He loves everything about us.
And on this valentine’s day, what can be a better present for us than the very life of the Son of God, given willingly and lovingly to say, “Princess, I died, went to hell and back just to show you I love you.”

A belated Happy Valentines everyone!

Insights from Carriedo

To my great horror, my sister confirmed that I indeed need to go to Carriedo to pick up the NBI documents for my parents' immigration. Over tea and dumplings at North Park, my voice started to go high-pitched as it has the habit of doing when I panic.
What's the fuss, you say? #1. I have a terrible sense of direction, one for the records. My sister knows that so well that she really didn't think I was overreacting. #2 For my 9-year stay here in Metro Manila, I really only get around Quezon City, mostly in the very sheltered UP DIliman campus and areas around it. Makati has been very easy on me as well. I am not familiar AT ALL with Carriedo or Sta. Cruz Manila and #3, the horror of all horrors, my sis says you can't get a cab to Carriedo.

For the lazy and inadventerous, a taxi cab is the best solution. For a price, you can get to your destination without fussing with directions and sumo-wrestling in other forms of public transportation. Imagine my hysterics when I said, "Well if I can't find my way, I can always take a cab right?" She grinned sheepishly and said "Err there aren't a lot of cabs there really... but I remember seeing a Kalesa..."

In her most graphic attempt, my sis drew me a map complete with which direction the train should be going (because I once took a train going to the opposite direction). She also wrote a step-by-step how-to-get-there guide. Funny for you but it was a big giant for me. I had friends making sure I take care of my belongings, reminding me of all the "bad people" out there. One even quipped that maybe I should drop by Quiapo church to pray I don't get lost.

So there, with my heart beating so fast, I pulled up my hair, took-off unnecessary jewelry, packed my bag securely and got off work early. Clutching on my trusty map I ventured to my first ever LRT ride. My sister was checking on me through text every step of the way. Imagine my exhiliration when I got off at the (correct) station and saw the view of the busy streets of Sta Cruz from there. I realized it was really more than relief that I felt, victory perhaps, but also I felt alive. I felt like no matter how sheltered I felt I was, the Pinay in me would know how to find her way through the streets narrowed by sidewalk vendors and pedicabs; that she would know how to trust the good nature of her people to give her the right directions and even give her a good discount if she haggles for their goods (yes, I did get to buy a couple of stuff ;) ). For some reason, I felt at home.

To make the long story short, I was able to do what I needed to do, and I had a good time as well.

Reflecting on it, on my way home, I realized that my trip to Carriedo is much like our lives. We have dreams, visions and destinies to reach, but really, no one knows how to get there. Sadly some choose not to move forward because they are afraid of the unkown. Some try to take shortcuts or easy way outs as if we can take a taxi cab to our destiny.
But I am not of those who shrink back. I will trust the heart of my Father who surely wants me to get there and promised me prosperity and security. I will cling tightly to the Map he lovingly and laboriously prepared for me to get there. I will consult with God every step of the way. And I know, with the Spirit in me, I will find something inside of me that will recognize my destination; that deep inside I will know what I am created for, and in the end, my heart will recognize its home.

Have Yourself Some R&R this Valentine's Day

What is the R&R? Yes, it is in a sense Rest and Relaxation, especially that it will be held on a Friday night-- a perfect moment to reward yourself after a week-long's work. For DMI, R&R is the annual Romance and Rhythm dinner-dance-concert, well awaited for a errr number of reasons, but above all to celebrate Love. :)


What do you do at the R&R? It is all a post-valentine dinner concert is. Women in their prettiest, men suddenly all dashing. Candles and roses, a romantic dinner with live acoustic music in the background. What makes it different? Well, in between sets, you can expect an enlightening and insightful talk about love and relationships. You do not only go home with the fluttering butterflies in the stomach and giddy feelings but you can take with you something your mind and your spirit can chew on-- things that will matter in the end.

Who can go to the R&R? Absolutely everyone. Old and young. Married or single. May date or wala ;)

Happy heart's day everyone!

Pix I Picked out

Pix I picked out from Nesi's site...
Obviosuly because my face is here (and braso) hehe






These I took myself :)

Seeing Mommy Lina's single-toothed grin as she jumps up and down with glee, her fists thrown in the air because she got healed and set free is one picture during the Encounter that says it all for me. I'll do it all over again just to see that.


The gorgeous ates Myla and Mariz in a victory hug


my daughter worshipping the Lord


Paradise at the other side of the cross

kamay ng batang natutulog during service hehe